New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
