Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
