how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
