i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Say something about gay babies.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Randomize
