wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
COCAINE IS GR8
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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