I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
