Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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