I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
