Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The adults are the big ones right?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
