i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize