Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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