so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
