Will you blow on my dice?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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