sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
