I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
