So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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