OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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