yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize