airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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