I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
