that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
