I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
