So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
