no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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