ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
