He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
