We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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