Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
are you so shy because you have an std?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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