i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
