she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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