she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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