ADVERTISEMENT

• (248): View more from Michigan

  My bottle opener just broke off in the cork

  (248): View more from Michigan

  They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts

  Fav 5 1035 1326

  share tweet
  

• (604): View more from British Columbia

  found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long

  (1-604): View more from British Columbia

  wtf you measured my hair?

  Fav 20 1626 4797

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (615): View more from Tennessee

  He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.

  Fav 30 1019 4537

  share tweet
  

• (425): View more from Washington

  Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.

  Fav 19 1638 5854

  share tweet
  

• (201): View more from New Jersey

  I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american

  Fav 194 3432 16186

  share tweet
  

• (630): View more from Illinois

  i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.

  Fav 6 3039 1156

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick

  Fav 18 9790 1856

  share tweet
  

• (239): View more from Florida

  I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.

  Fav 1 1468 850

  share tweet
  

• (828): View more from North Carolina

  nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...

  Fav 2 1513 734

  share tweet
  

• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me

  Fav 1 1132 730

  share tweet
  

• (208): View more from Idaho

  Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.

  Fav 1 1400 683

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (218): View more from Minnesota

  my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this

  Fav 8 1726 637

  share tweet
  

• (248): View more from Michigan

  We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.

  Fav 0 683 400

  share tweet
  

• (913): View more from Kansas

  I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow

  Fav 0 27 3

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (518): View more from New York

  Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook

  Fav 0 52 31

  share tweet
  

Randomize