Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
