why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
