I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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