i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Randomize
