We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
