Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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