I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
