Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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