Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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