clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
