When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize