You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize