Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
