Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I am in a vortex of obligation.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
