Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize