everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize