just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
