If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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