Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
