apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
