Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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