I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
