I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
being pregnant is like rehab
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
