I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
