So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
