ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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