wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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